About This Poem
A few years ago (several, if we are being honest), I tried online dating.
People have absolutely found their life partners through online dating. I personally know at least two folks who have gone thought the grind and found success! I am absolutely not one of them. Not sure if it was the guys the themselves or my state of mind, but I didn’t click with anyone and absolutely hated every aspect of the process. From deciding on a profile pictures, to selecting gentlemen from a digital mail-order catalog based exclusively on mediocre photos and four-word answers, to meeting a semi-stranger in a neutral location, it was, let’s say, not my cup of tea. As you can guess, I don’t brave the online dating world anymore, but the frustrations of the experience absolutely led to this poem. Winning in the end.
“Don’t Text Hey Beautiful” won Second Place in the Poetry Category for 2024 Lakefly Writers Conference Writing Contest. It first appeared in the 2024 Lakefly Writing Contests Winners booklet with other finalists.
DON’T TEXT HEY BEAUTIFUL (OR) THE FRUSTRATION OF ONLINE DATING
Don’t text Hey beautiful to me at dawn.
We just connected and those words are cheap
As fast food fries: they’re salt, and sweet, and stupid.
All girls are beautiful in profile pictures.
Like saying Such a good boy to a dog:
It’s true, but doesn’t mean you know the dog.Don’t text Hey beautiful to me at noon.
Hey handsome in reply just sounds like I’m
Proprietress of a wild west saloon.
Don’t make me salt, and sweet, and stupid, too.I want a guy who makes me laugh out loud,
Who gets my jokes and tolerates my puns.
If I’m to have a partner, I need a man
Who really thinks I’m beautiful and knows
He’ll have to spend a lifetime making me
Believe him when he says it.
Liked the poem? Leave a comment. Dated me once? I’m so sorry.